I'm not really myself today, or right now... I'm sad, for no good reason - must be hormones... Sometimes it's nice to have something to blame - hehe. But seriously it must be my hormones, the baby is growing fast now maybe this is making my hormones to go haywire. I took my vitamins but I'm not getting any relief - surprise, surprise!
I'm crying just looking at my old photos from this last spring... seeing how I just lost those extra few pounds I've gained post marriage and how I was excited about the summer... and now my weight is higher then it's ever been, with hips hurting day and night... no relief, my feet are killing me starting from around noon, now my face is changing it's features... all these changes in a short time... it's making me sad sometimes. I miss when Danny and I were skinny and looking forward to camping this (2007) summer, going to water parks, and such... and now that's put off to next summer, at earliest.
My stress now is... needing to cook healthy and learn new recipes that have high nutritious value for me and Danny. I am getting depressed at times that my weight is going up pretty much by day... I don't think I look FAT, but I obviously look much rounder, not just my beautiful tummy, but my face, my arms, butt, legs... I try to think of how long I have left (3.5 months), and then I can drop all this weight back to what I started with. It's psychological and physical stress. Danny must be putting on some of my pregnancy weight too... which I've read is normal, well it makes me feel even heavier... lol
I'm learning to make fresh salads, new ways of making lunches for Danny (without having to cook every single dish to insanity and implement more salads, fruits, and nuts - which I've done for the longest time, but now I gotta do this even more). I know I'll be fine, I don't know why I'm so sad today...
I was crazily (is this a word?) lonely today. I really wanted to organize some of my small clothes and maybe sell them, but I was soo lonely and tired all day that I really only cooked some food, browsed online and showered. Yeah, boring day huh... I know.
Music is what I need... I need to get some good music, I don't really know what to listen to anymore... I want Classical, but some are really nice and some are not so much... I want a nice long CD of great mix of music... something I can play for hours on end. I'd also love to do some artsy things... paint or something, but I'm just lacking some creativity... not sure why. Maybe the baby is taking all my brain power to grow... if so, it's all okay then!! =)
I'm bored, boring, lonely, and quite today... Sad that today is almost over and I feel so empty. I can't imagine falling asleep feeling this way... and if only I knew what to do to feel better, to feel accomplished and satisfied. I don't really know what I'd want to do... I've went through some ideas, but non of them seem satisfactory.
Anyway, even though this page has no limits, I could type forever... but I am running out of words. So, I'm going to hope I feel better tonight before I close my eyes to rest... if not, tomorrow is a brand new day with brand new opportunities... a new beginning, a new start. I can make it better, right?!
Ciao and stay in touch with me =o)
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